What Happened When I Finally Stopped Striving

This past month has been full.

Not the exciting kind of full, but the kind where life quietly piles one thing on top of another until you suddenly realise you've been carrying a lot more than you thought.

My teenage son has been recovering from surgery. My elderly dad had a fall and broke his arm, so there have been hospital visits and helping my parents when they needed an extra pair of hands. At the same time, I've been organising my own surgery, something I've been putting off for years because, if I'm honest, there always seemed to be something more important to deal with first.

I've been taking my business in a new direction and creating what feels like an endless stream of blogs, videos, printable resources, emails and ideas. I absolutely love creating. Writing, filming, editing videos and designing resources never really feels like work to me but somewhere along the way, I noticed something had changed.

Every spare moment was becoming another opportunity to create something.

If I wasn't writing, I should be researching.

If I wasn't researching, I should be filming.

If I wasn't filming, I should be planning the next thing.

Even though I was creating resources to help other people slow down, I had quietly stopped slowing down myself (the irony wasn't lost on me). Somewhere along the way, I'd started treating rest as something I had to earn instead of something I genuinely needed.

So, for the first time in quite a while, I gave myself permission to stop. Not forever, and not because I'd given up on my goals, but simply because I needed a little breathing space.

I stopped worrying about chasing the next idea or feeling guilty if I wasn't being productive every waking moment. Instead, I filled my days with things that had no purpose other than making me happy. I spent time in my kitchen cooking for my family, something that has always felt like one of the ways I show love. I wandered around the garden, sat with a cup of coffee without trying to multitask and, rather randomly, decided to make some fridge magnets.

Why?

No reason at all other than I felt like it.

My creative endeavours

They weren't for my business, I wasn't planning to sell them and nobody had asked me to make them. I simply enjoyed the process, and somewhere in that quiet space between constantly striving and simply being, I found myself again. My mind became quieter, the pressure I'd been putting on myself began to lift and, perhaps most surprisingly, my creativity returned all on its own. The excitement I had always felt about my business came back too, not because I'd worked harder, but because I'd finally given myself permission to breathe.

The past couple of weeks reminded me of something I often say to my clients: the pressure we feel isn't always coming from the outside. More often than we'd like to admit, we're the ones holding the stopwatch, constantly moving the finish line and telling ourselves, "Just one more thing, then I'll rest." These self-imposed expectations can leave us believing we have to earn our rest, earn our fun and somehow justify taking time for ourselves. That if you didn’t work hard enough then you don’t deserve it.

If one of my clients had walked into my office feeling the way I had been feeling, I know exactly what I would have said. "Give yourself a break." I would have encouraged them to stop trying to carry everything, to be kinder to themselves and to remember that their worth isn't measured by how much they accomplish in a day. It's funny how often we can offer compassion so freely to everyone else, yet struggle to extend that same kindness to ourselves.

Being a psychologist certainly doesn't make me immune to falling into that trap. If anything, it reminds me that I'm human first and every now and then life gently, (or not so gently) taps me on the shoulder and reminds me that I need to practise the very things I spend my days encouraging others to do.

This week also reminded me that the journey really is just as important as the destination. It's so easy to fall into the trap of believing that life will somehow begin once we reach the next milestone. Once the business is where we want it to be. Once the children are older. Once the house is finished. Once the surgery is over. Once work settles down. There always seems to be another "once" waiting just around the corner, quietly convincing us that happiness is something we'll experience later if we can just keep pushing a little longer.

But life doesn't patiently wait for us at the finish line. It's unfolding right here in the ordinary moments we so often rush past. The quiet cup of coffee in the morning, preparing a meal for the people you love, sitting outside listening to the birds or making fridge magnets for no reason other than they make you smile. Those seemingly insignificant moments aren't distractions from life; they are life. And the more I slow down long enough to notice them, the more I'm reminded that joy isn't something waiting for me in the future. It's already here, quietly woven into the everyday moments that are so easy to overlook when I'm busy chasing the next achievement.

I also realised something else. The world didn't fall apart because I took a step back for a week. The emails were still there when I came back, the ideas hadn't disappeared and, if anything, they were even better than before. The difference wasn't the work waiting for me, it was me.

I returned feeling calmer, with a clearer mind, more energy and a renewed excitement for the direction I was heading. It was a timely reminder that rest doesn't slow us down…it's the very thing that allows us to keep moving forward.

If you've been feeling tired, irritable, overwhelmed or like you've lost your spark lately, perhaps your mind and body are trying to tell you something. Mine certainly was. Thankfully, after many years, I've become much better at recognising my own early warning signs. I notice when my patience starts to wear thin, when everything on my to-do list begins to feel like another chore, when my body feels heavy and my enthusiasm starts to fade. My family usually notices before I do, apparently I'm not quite as delightful to live with when I'm stressed!

Over the years I've learned that these are my cue to pause, take a breath and reconnect with the things that bring me back to myself. Sometimes that means spending time in nature, sometimes it's cooking, sometimes it's making something for the sheer joy of it, and sometimes it simply means allowing myself to do a little less for a while.

We live in a world that constantly tells us to keep striving, keep producing and keep achieving. But perhaps real wisdom is knowing when to stop. Because every now and then, the most productive thing you can do isn't to work harder or push through one more task.

It's to simply be still.

After all, life isn't a race to the finish line. It's happening right here, in this ordinary moment. And sometimes, giving yourself permission to do nothing is exactly what you need to remember how to truly live.

Ready to Slow Down Too?

If this article resonated with you, perhaps it's your mind and body gently asking for a little more space too.

I'd love to invite you to join my free 7 Days to a Calmer You email challenge. Over seven days I'll guide you through simple, practical activities to help you slow down, calm your mind and reconnect with what matters most, one small step at a time.

You'll also receive access to my growing collection of free printable resources, including colouring and reflection pages, nature activities, phone wallpapers and gentle reminders to help you bring a little more calm into everyday life just click the link below:

Join the free challenge and start your journey today.

Written by Liz Anderson, Psychologist

Liz Anderson is a psychologist and author of Stop Rushing, Start Living: A Psychologist's Guide to Slowing Down, Stressing Less and Calming the Mind. Through her writing, videos and practical resources, she helps busy midlife women slow down, reconnect with themselves and create a calmer, more meaningful life.

If you found this helpful, drop by my website for more useful information on bringing more calm, clarity and joy into your life https://www.slowdownwithliz.com.