Challenging Our Comfort Zones

At the beginning of this year, I made a promise to myself that I would make more of an effort to step outside my comfort zone.

I'd fallen into a rhythm in life that was comfortable enough. Everything was fine, life was ticking along and there wasn't anything particularly wrong but somewhere along the way, I'd started to feel as though I was simply living rather than thriving.

I kept catching myself thinking about all the things I wanted to do one day. In the future, I'd like to try this, experience that, go here or make that change. There always seemed to be something I was looking forward to doing, but somehow that elusive 'one day' never quite arrived.

Then, during one of my many moments of self-reflection, which usually happen while I'm sitting on the toilet because it's one of the few places I get some uninterrupted thinking time 😂, I had a rather uncomfortable realisation.

I was constantly kicking the can of actually living my life further and further down the road.

I remember thinking to myself, Well, shit, you're in your 50s now! Firstly, where on earth did all that time go? And secondly, what exactly are you waiting for?

Was I waiting until I turned 60? Or 70? Until I retired? Until I had more time, fewer responsibilities or perhaps reached an age where physical limitations might make some of those experiences more difficult?

The reality was that I wasn't getting any younger, and if I wanted to experience more of what life had to offer, it was time to pull my finger out and actually do something about it!

Now, let me be clear. This wasn't one magical pep talk where I suddenly transformed into a fearless, adventure-seeking woman ready to take on the world.

Far from it!

These feelings had been bubbling away beneath the surface for quite some time. And bless me, after almost 30 years working as a psychologist, I think I'm pretty good at helping other people reach those life-changing realisations. But as anyone who has ever tried to follow their own advice knows, it's often much easier to see what someone else needs to do than to actually do it yourself.

Eventually, though, the conscious part of my brain managed to convince my subconscious to cooperate, and I began making some changes.

Nothing particularly earth-shattering, mind you, but things that were meaningful to me.

I started making more of an effort to be social, which, as a natural introvert, has always required a little extra effort. I began changing the way I operated my business, putting myself out there more on social media, and even challenging myself to run workshops in front of groups of people.

I also wanted to make more time for experiences with my family, getting away occasionally, doing different things and creating memories rather than simply moving from one week to the next.

To someone else, these might not sound like enormous changes, but for me, they represented something important. I was beginning to honour that promise I'd made to myself at the start of the year.

And perhaps most importantly, I was reminding myself that I didn't have to completely reinvent my life to start enjoying it differently.

When Comfortable Becomes Too Comfortable

It's funny how, when you decide to work on something within yourself or introduce something new into your life, you suddenly begin noticing it everywhere.

As I've been quietly working on stepping outside my own comfort zone, I've become increasingly aware of just how easily so many of us can fall into the same pattern.

We dream about doing something different, having new experiences, learning something new or perhaps creating a life that feels a little more meaningful or interesting. Yet finding the time, energy or motivation to actually make those changes can sometimes feel about as likely as winning the lottery!

And I don't think that's necessarily because we're lazy, unmotivated or lacking ambition.

I think, for many of us, life simply gets in the way.

We become so caught up in the everyday busyness of work, family, responsibilities and the endless list of things that need our attention that we forget to stop and ask ourselves whether the life we're living is still the life we want.

I know that was certainly true for me.

I hadn't deliberately stopped pursuing new experiences or challenging myself. I'd simply become so busy getting through life that I'd forgotten to make space for actually living it.

And perhaps that's one of the trickiest things about our comfort zones. They don't always feel like places we're stuck. Sometimes they feel perfectly pleasant, familiar and safe.

Until one day we realise that, while we've been comfortable, we've also been quietly putting parts of ourselves and our dreams on hold.

Stepping Outside Our Comfort Zones Doesn't Have to Be a Giant Leap

I think sometimes when we talk about stepping outside our comfort zones, we imagine we need to do something big or dramatic. Take a leap of faith, completely change our lives or throw ourselves into something that scares the living daylights out of us.

But it doesn't have to be like that.

Sometimes stepping outside our comfort zone is simply saying yes to something we'd normally say no to. It might be joining a new group, taking up a hobby, reaching out to an old friend, learning something new or finally making time for an experience we've been putting off.

Snorkelling on the Great Barrier Reef

And sometimes it's about challenging the stories we've been telling ourselves for years.

I'm too old for that.

I'm not the sort of person who does those things.

What if I make a fool of myself?

I'll do it when life settles down.

Sound familiar?

The problem with these little stories is that, if we repeat them often enough, we can begin to believe they're facts rather than simply thoughts.

And before we know it, we've created all sorts of invisible boundaries around what we think we're capable of doing.

One of the things I've been reminded of this year is that feeling uncomfortable doesn't necessarily mean something is wrong or that we shouldn't be doing it. Sometimes it simply means we're doing something unfamiliar.

Take my recent experience of running a workshop, for example. Despite having spent almost 30 years talking to people as a psychologist, standing in front of a group and presenting was something quite different for me.

I was nervous beforehand. I wondered whether people would participate, whether I'd explain things clearly or whether I'd end up talking too much!

But I did it anyway.

And do you know what? I actually really enjoyed myself.

I loved connecting with people, sharing information and seeing them realise that making small changes in their everyday lives could make a difference to how they felt.

It reminded me that sometimes the things we're hesitant to try can turn out to be experiences that bring us unexpected enjoyment and satisfaction.

And if I hadn't challenged myself to give it a go, I might never have discovered that.

Making Space for Something More

Of course, there's another important part to all of this, and it's something I talk about often.

We need to slow down enough to notice what we actually want.

When we're constantly busy, rushing from one responsibility to another, it's easy to lose touch with the parts of ourselves that are curious, creative, adventurous or simply longing for something a little different.

We become very good at doing what needs to be done, but perhaps not quite so good at asking ourselves what we'd actually like to do.

And there's a difference.

Slowing down isn't about doing less for the sake of doing less. Sometimes it's about creating enough breathing space in our lives to recognise what matters to us and then making more intentional choices about how we spend our time.

It's also about remembering that our own needs, interests and dreams deserve a place in our lives alongside all the other responsibilities we carry.

I think that's something many of us forget, particularly as we move through different stages of life.

We spend years raising families, building careers, supporting others and managing the practicalities of everyday living. And while those things can bring enormous meaning and satisfaction, it's easy to lose sight of ourselves somewhere along the way.

But we don't have to wait until everything else is finished before we start making room for the things that light us up.

Because, let's face it, when is everything ever really finished?

There will always be another job to do, another bill to pay, another responsibility to manage or another reason why now isn't quite the right time.

Perhaps instead of waiting for life to become less busy, we need to start making small pockets of space for the things that make us feel alive.

A Little Discomfort Can Lead to Something Wonderful

Now, I'm certainly not suggesting we should constantly push ourselves or turn personal growth into yet another thing on our never-ending to-do lists.

Our comfort zones serve an important purpose. We all need familiarity, safety, rest and predictability, particularly when life is already challenging.

And there's absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying a quiet, comfortable life if that's what genuinely makes you happy.

The important thing, I think, is recognising the difference between choosing comfort because it nourishes us and staying comfortable because we're afraid to try something different.

We don't need to be fearless to make changes. We can feel nervous, uncertain or completely out of our depth and still take a small step forward.

And if something doesn't work out? Well, that’s ok we've learned something about ourselves along the way.

Not every new experience needs to become a passion, a success story or a life-changing revelation. Sometimes it's enough simply to have given something a go.

As for me, I'm still very much a work in progress. I still enjoy my routines, my quiet time and the familiar comforts of home. I'm still an introvert and I suspect I always will be.

But I'm also discovering that there's room in my life for a little more adventure, creativity, connection and possibility.

And I'm rather enjoying finding out what that might look like.

A Final Thought

One thought that's worth exploring is that sometimes we think our comfort zones are protecting us, when they might also be preventing us from experiencing joy, connection, growth and all the wonderful possibilities life has to offer.

So ask yourself a question this week what is one thing you've been putting off until 'one day', and what would happen if you gave yourself permission to start now?

It doesn't have to be anything big. Just one small step towards something that matters to you.

After all, life isn't something that begins when everything else is finished.

It's happening right now.

And I'd rather look back and remember the things I tried than wonder about all the things I might have done.

 A Little More Inspiration for Slowing Down and Living Well

If this reflection has resonated with you, you might enjoy my book, Stop Rushing Start Living. It's about stepping away from the constant busyness of life, reconnecting with what really matters and finding practical ways to create a calmer, more meaningful life.

You can explore my book here.

And if you'd like a little encouragement to slow down, reflect and make more space for yourself, I'd love to welcome you into my Slow Down with Liz email community.

Each week I share gentle reflections, practical wellbeing ideas and little reminders to pause, breathe and reconnect with yourself. You'll also receive occasional creative resources and updates about what I'm working on.

You can visit Slow Down with Liz to join the community.

Written by Liz Anderson

Registered Psychologist, Author and Creator of Slow Down with Liz

With almost 30 years of experience as a psychologist, Liz is passionate about helping people find greater calm, balance and meaning in their everyday lives. Through her writing, books, workshops and practical wellbeing resources, she encourages people to slow down, reconnect with themselves and discover that living well doesn't have to be complicated. Learn more at www.slowdownwithliz.com.