Confessions of a Serial List Writer: When To-Do Lists Become Too Much

I have a confession to make.

I hope you won't think differently about me after this.

Okay, deep breath. Just say it.

I'm a serial list writer.

I write lists and lists and lists. Some of my lists even have sublists. I've been known to write a list of all the lists I need to write!

There. I've said it!

Phew! I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. 😂

All joking aside, I really am a prolific list writer, and I always have been.

I'm the sort of person who looks at everything that needs doing, writes a list and then happily works my way through it. It's practically ingrained in my personality.

Maybe I was born this way. Maybe it's a trait that comes with being a psychologist. Or perhaps it's something I picked up growing up. Who knows?

Whatever the reason, I've discovered over the years that my love of lists can be a bit of a double-edged sword.

On the one hand, writing things down helps me untangle the messy jumble of thoughts floating around in my head. It gives me somewhere to put all those things I need to remember, the jobs I need to get done and the little worries that keep popping up when I'm trying to relax.

And let's not forget the wonderful years known as menopause, when walking into a room and forgetting why you went there can become a regular occurrence!

But here's the problem.

Sometimes, instead of helping me feel calmer and more organised, my lists have the opposite effect.

When my to-do list starts growing longer than my arm, I can feel an almost irresistible urge to get everything done as quickly as possible. Suddenly, what started as a helpful way to organise my thoughts becomes another source of pressure.

And if I don't get everything crossed off? Well, there's that little voice reminding me of everything I haven't accomplished.

Sound familiar?

Over the years, I've had to change the way I think about my lists. I've learned that they're supposed to make my life easier, not become another thing demanding my time and attention.

After all, a to-do list is supposed to be a tool to help us live our lives, not a measure of how productive or successful we've been.

So, as a self-confessed serial list writer, here are my top tips for making lists work for you, rather than the other way around.

1. Write a master list, then take it one day at a time

Rather than trying to squeeze everything into one enormous daily to-do list, try writing a master list of all the things floating around in your head.

Think of it as a place to park everything that needs doing, whether it's something important, something you've been meaning to get around to or one of those little jobs that keeps popping into your mind at the most inconvenient times.

Then, each day, choose just one or two things from your master list that you'd like to accomplish.

That's it. Just one or two.

If you get those done and feel like tackling something else, fantastic! Consider that the icing on the cake.

But if you don't? That's perfectly fine too.

The idea is to make your day feel manageable, rather than starting every morning with a list so long that you already feel behind before you've even had your first cup of coffee.

2. Prioritise what really matters

Not everything on your list deserves the same amount of your time and attention.

Before you automatically start working your way through it, take a moment to ask yourself:

• What actually needs to be done today?

• What's important, and what can wait?

• Is this something I genuinely need to do?

• What would happen if I didn't do it at all?

That last question is particularly interesting.

Sometimes we keep things on our lists simply because they've always been there, because we think we should do them or because we've set ourselves expectations that aren't particularly realistic.

And sometimes, when we stop and question whether something really needs doing, we discover that the world won't actually come to an end if we leave it alone!

3. Remember, you don't have to do everything yourself

Here's one that can be particularly difficult for those of us who are used to being the person who gets things done.

Just because something needs doing doesn't automatically mean you're the one who has to do it.

Could someone else help? Could you share the responsibility? Could you delegate something and give another person the opportunity to learn, develop their confidence or shine?

And here's another question worth asking.

Is something on your list because you said yes when you really wanted to say no?

Sometimes our to-do lists become longer because we're so busy meeting everyone else's expectations that we forget to consider our own needs.

Learning to ask for help, share responsibilities and occasionally say no isn't selfish. It's a way of making sure there's enough of you left for the things and people that really matter.

4. Think of your list as a memory saver, not a measure of success

This is probably the biggest change I've had to make in my own relationship with lists.

Instead of seeing my list as something I must complete, I try to think of it as a place to store information so my brain doesn't have to keep carrying it around.

After all, our minds have enough to do without constantly reminding us to book the dentist, pick up milk, pay that bill or remember the name of the person we met last Tuesday!

Writing things down can help free up some mental space for other things, including simply enjoying the moment.

There's a good reason writing things down can feel like such a relief. Our working memory can only hold so much information at once. When we're constantly trying to remember everything we need to do, it takes up mental energy. Getting those thoughts out of our heads and onto paper can help reduce that mental juggling act.

Your list is there to guide you, not judge you.

And here's something worth remembering: your worth isn't measured by how many things you cross off a piece of paper.

Some days you'll accomplish plenty. Other days you might only manage the essentials. And sometimes, doing absolutely nothing is exactly what your mind and body need.

Rest isn't something you have to earn by finishing everything else first.

5. Break big jobs into smaller, manageable steps

Have you ever written something like 'clean the house', 'sort out the garden' or 'organise my life' on your to-do list?

I certainly have!

The trouble with big, vague tasks is that they can feel so overwhelming that we don't know where to start.

Instead, try breaking them into smaller steps.

Rather than 'clean the house', perhaps it's 'tidy the kitchen bench' or 'put one load of washing on'.

Rather than 'sort out the garden', it might be 'spend 15 minutes pulling out weeds'.

Small steps are often much easier to get started on, and they still move us in the right direction.

And remember, you don't have to finish the entire job in one go. Progress is still progress, even when it happens a little at a time.

6. Don't forget to put some fun on your list!

Here's something I've noticed about to-do lists.

They're usually full of things we have to do, rather than things we'd actually like to do.

Pay bills. Do the washing. Make appointments. Clean the bathroom. Buy groceries.

Not exactly the stuff that makes you want to leap out of bed in the morning, is it?

So why not make room for a few things you enjoy?

Maybe it's having a coffee with a friend, spending half an hour reading a book, going for a walk, doing some gardening or simply sitting outside enjoying the sunshine.

And no, you don't have to turn these into another set of tasks you feel obligated to complete!

The idea is simply to remind yourself that your time is valuable, and that enjoying your life deserves just as much consideration as getting things done.

After all, what's the point of being wonderfully organised if we're too busy ticking things off our lists to enjoy the life we're organising?

A Final Confession...

So, will I ever stop writing lists?

Absolutely not!

I suspect I'll still be writing lists when I'm 90, probably with a few sublists thrown in for good measure.

But these days, I'm learning to be a little kinder to myself about what I expect to accomplish.

My lists are there to help me remember things, organise my thoughts and make life a little easier. They're not there to dictate how I spend every waking moment or remind me of everything I haven't done.

And if I only cross one thing off my list today? That's okay.

Because life isn't about getting everything done.

It's about making time for the things that matter and remembering to enjoy yourself along the way.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have something very important to cross off my list.

Finish writing this blog post. ✓

There. That feels better!

Oh! Before I go, what about you? Are you a fellow serial list writer, or do you prefer to keep everything in your head? And if you're a list writer like me, is your list making your life easier, or has it quietly become another source of pressure?

Good thing I wrote that question down on my list. I almost forgot to ask! 😂

Written by Liz Anderson

Liz Anderson is a registered psychologist with nearly 30 years of experience helping people manage stress, navigate life's challenges and improve their wellbeing. She's also the author of Stop Rushing Start Living and the creator of Slow Down with Liz, where she shares practical psychology tips, personal reflections and a little humour to help people slow down, stress less and find more joy in everyday life.

Visit slowdownwithliz.com for more articles, helpful resources and inspiration.