Stress & Anxiety:
When Life Feels Like Too Much

Most of us know what it feels like to be anxious.

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Your mind starts running ahead of you. You find yourself thinking about what might happen tomorrow, next week or six months from now. You replay a conversation from yesterday and wonder whether you said the wrong thing. Your shoulders are somewhere up around your ears, you're exhausted but can't seem to switch off, and even when you finally get the chance to sit down, your brain doesn't seem to get the message.

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Sometimes there’s an obvious reason.

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Work might be demanding, someone you love is struggling, money is tight, you're caring for children, ageing parents or both. Your relationship could be going through a difficult patch or maybe you're dealing with health problems or uncertainty about the future.

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And sometimes you look around and think:

Nothing particularly terrible is happening. So why do I feel like this?

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Understanding the difference between stress and anxiety, and recognising when your body's natural alarm system may be working a little too hard, can be a helpful place to start.

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What is anxiety?

 

Anxiety is not necessarily a sign that something is wrong.

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It is a normal human emotion and part of the body's natural response to perceived danger or uncertainty.

Thousands of years ago, that system helped keep our ancestors alive. If something potentially dangerous appeared, the brain and body needed to respond quickly. Heart rate increased, breathing changed, muscles prepared for action and attention narrowed towards the possible threat.

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Even though our lives now involve smart TVs, electric cars and emails arriving at all hours, we still carry the same basic survival systems that evolved to help humans notice and respond to potential danger.

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The problem is that most of the things setting it off today aren't animals chasing us through the wilderness.

They are emails, bills, deadlines, relationship problems, health worries, an uncomfortable conversation, something one of the kids is going through, etc.

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Our brains are remarkably good at responding not only to what is happening, but to what we imagine might happen.

A certain amount of anxiety can actually be useful. It can encourage us to prepare for an important meeting, study for an exam, pay attention to a potential problem or take action when something doesn't feel right.

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Anxiety becomes more problematic when that alarm system seems to stay switched on, when worry becomes difficult to control or when anxiety begins interfering with everyday life.

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How common is anxiety?

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If you struggle with anxiety, you are certainly not alone.

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According to the Australian Bureau of Statistics, around 29% of Australians aged 16 to 85 have experienced an anxiety disorder at some point in their lives, with around 17% experiencing one in the previous 12 months. (click here for the Reference)

But statistics only tell part of the story.

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There are also many people who may never meet the criteria for an anxiety disorder but still spend considerable amounts of their lives worrying, overthinking, anticipating problems and finding it difficult to truly relax.

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You don't need a diagnosis before you're allowed to start looking after your emotional wellbeing.

 

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What can anxiety actually feel like?

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Anxiety doesn't always look like someone visibly panicking or obviously struggling. It can be much quieter and easier to hide. It might look like being incredibly organised because you feel better when everything is under control, checking things several times just to be certain, or lying awake at night mentally rehearsing everything you need to do tomorrow. It can show up as constantly checking that everyone else is okay, preparing for problems that haven't happened yet, or appearing completely capable and calm on the outside while internally feeling as though you have twenty browser tabs open in your brain.

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In your thoughts you might notice:

• worrying about things that haven't happened yet

• imagining worst-case scenarios

• replaying conversations

• overanalysing decisions

• struggling with uncertainty

• finding it difficult to concentrate

• constantly thinking about what you need to do next

• feeling as though you can't switch your brain off

 

In your body you may experience:

• a racing or pounding heart

• tightness in your chest

• faster or shallower breathing

• tense shoulders, neck or jaw

• headaches

• butterflies or discomfort in your stomach

• feeling restless or unable to sit still

• difficulty sleeping

• tiredness or exhaustion

• feeling physically "on edge"

 

In your emotions you might be feeling:

• fearful

• overwhelmed

• irritable

• unsettled

• apprehensive

• unable to relax

• as though something bad is about to happen, even when you're not quite sure what

 

In your behaviour you might find yourself:

• avoiding situations that make you uncomfortable

• procrastinating because something feels overwhelming

• seeking reassurance from other people

• checking things repeatedly

• withdrawing from activities

• trying to control situations so nothing goes wrong

• keeping yourself constantly busy because slowing down feels uncomfortable

 

Not everyone experiences anxiety in the same way. Some people notice it primarily in their thoughts, while others feel it strongly in their body.

And for many people, it is a combination of both.

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Your Brain Isn't Your Enemy

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When your mind won't stop worrying, analysing and running through every possible scenario, it can be incredibly frustrating.

You might find yourself thinking,  Why can't I just switch off?  Why am I doing this to myself?

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But here's something worth remembering.

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Your brain isn't your enemy. It actually thinks it's helping you.

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Your brain is constantly trying to predict what might happen next so that it can keep you safe. When you're anxious, that protective system can become particularly enthusiastic. It starts scanning for problems, looking for things that might go wrong and running through possible scenarios in an attempt to make sure you're prepared for whatever comes your way.

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What if this happens?

What if I haven't thought of something?

What if I make the wrong decision?

What if something goes wrong and I'm not prepared?

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Your brain isn't trying to make you miserable or turn you into a ball of nervous energy. From its perspective, thinking about every possible problem makes perfect sense. If it can predict what might happen, it can help you avoid pain, disappointment, embarrassment, uncertainty or further stress down the track.

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The problem is that your brain isn't particularly good at knowing when enough is enough.

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It can keep searching for potential problems long after there is anything useful left to solve. One worry leads to another, which leads to another, and before you know it you've mentally lived through seventeen different versions of a future that hasn't actually happened.

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Sometimes your brain needs a little help recognising that right now, in this particular moment, you are okay.

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There isn't something you need to solve.

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There isn't a decision you need to make this second.

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You don't need to prepare for every possible version of tomorrow.

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And it's okay to stop for a while.

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Learning to manage anxiety isn't about fighting with your brain or somehow forcing it to stop thinking.

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It's about beginning to recognise what your brain is trying to do, noticing when its protective system has become a little overenthusiastic and gently bringing your attention back to what is actually happening now.

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Is it anxiety, or am I just stressed?

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This is a question I hear often and the answer isn't always completely straightforward.

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Stress and anxiety have a lot in common and we all experience both to varying degrees at different times in our lives. Feeling worried, tense, overwhelmed or unable to switch off doesn't automatically mean you have an anxiety disorder. These can be completely normal and understandable responses to what's happening around you.

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Stress and anxiety can feel remarkably similar. Both can leave you tense, restless or irritable. Both can interfere with sleep and concentration, contribute to overthinking and leave you feeling exhausted while somehow still unable to properly relax.

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One useful way of thinking about the difference is that stress tends to be more closely connected to the demands and pressures happening in our lives, while anxiety is often more focused on anticipating a threat, danger or something going wrong.

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If you have three deadlines, a sick child, financial worries and a parent who needs your help, feeling stressed makes perfect sense. Your mind and body are responding to a lot being asked of you. Often, as some of those pressures ease, the stress begins to settle too.

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Anxiety doesn't always follow the same pattern.

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You may solve one problem only for your mind to immediately find another. You might finally get through an incredibly busy week, sit down on Saturday morning with your coffee and realise that your body still feels as though you're supposed to be doing something.

Sometimes there isn't even an obvious problem to solve.

 

Your mind simply starts asking:  What if...?

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And then comes up with hundreds of possible answers.

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This is also why it's important not to diagnose yourself from a list of symptoms on a webpage. If you recognised yourself in some of the signs of anxiety described earlier, it doesn't necessarily mean that you have an anxiety disorder. Prolonged stress, burnout, poor sleep, difficult life circumstances and simply having too much on your plate can produce many similar experiences.

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And, of course, it isn't always one or the other. Stress and anxiety can exist together.

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Long periods of stress can leave us physically and emotionally depleted and more sensitive to possible threats. When we've spent months rushing, worrying, solving problems and carrying responsibility, our bodies can become accustomed to being on alert. Even when there is finally an opportunity to stop, we may find it surprisingly difficult to do so.

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Eventually, being "switched on" can start to feel normal.

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Rather than worrying too much about which label fits, it can be more useful to ask: How long have I been feeling like this? What seems to be driving it? Does it settle when the pressures in my life ease? And how much is it affecting my sleep, relationships, work and ability to enjoy my life?

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When does anxiety become a problem?

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Anxiety becomes more concerning when it’s persistent, difficult to manage or begins influencing the choices you make and the way you live your everyday life.

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You might start by asking yourself:

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• How much of my day do I spend worrying or thinking about what might go wrong?

• Once I start worrying, how difficult is it to switch my attention to something else?

• Is it regularly affecting my sleep or leaving me exhausted?

• Am I avoiding people, places, situations or experiences because they make me feel anxious?

• Is it affecting my relationships, work or ability to concentrate?

• Do I frequently need reassurance from other people before I can feel okay?

• Am I finding it harder to be present and enjoy things because my mind is somewhere else?

• Do I frequently feel tense, restless or on alert, even when there is nothing I need to deal with right now?

• Is worry or fear stopping me from doing things that are important to me?

 

There isn't a particular number of boxes you need to tick. What matters is the frequency, intensity and impact of what you're experiencing.

If worry or anxiety is beginning to take up a significant amount of your mental energy, causing distress or making your world smaller because of the things you're avoiding or no longer doing, it may be worth talking with a health professional.

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You also don't need to wait until you're at breaking point. Sometimes getting support earlier can help you understand what's happening and develop strategies before anxiety becomes more entrenched.

 

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What actually helps with anxiety?

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The good news is that there are lots of things that can help with anxiety and feeling this way now doesn't mean you're destined to feel this way forever.

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There also isn't one magic solution that works for everyone. Anxiety develops for different reasons and shows up differently from person to person, so what helps needs to make sense for you and your season of life.

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For one person, anxiety might have appeared during an incredibly stressful period when they simply had too much on their plate. For someone else, worrying and anticipating problems may have been part of their life for as long as they can remember. Our past experiences, personality, beliefs, relationships, physical health, lifestyle and what's happening in our lives right now can all influence how anxious we feel.

This is where psychological support can be helpful. Therapy isn't simply about talking about everything that's wrong. It can help you understand why your brain and body are responding the way they are, recognise the patterns that might be keeping anxiety going and learn practical ways of responding differently.

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One of the most well-researched treatments for anxiety is Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, usually called CBT. CBT helps us notice the connection between our thoughts, feelings and behaviour. We can begin to recognise when our thinking is pulling us towards the worst-case scenario, or when things like avoidance, checking or constantly seeking reassurance are giving us short-term relief but unintentionally keeping anxiety going over time.

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For some types of anxiety, therapy might also involve gradually and safely approaching situations you've been avoiding because they make you anxious. Rather than allowing fear to make your world smaller and smaller, you slowly build confidence that you can cope with the discomfort.

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Approaches such as Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, or ACT, can also be helpful. ACT takes a slightly different approach. Instead of trying to get rid of every uncomfortable thought or feeling, you learn how to give those experiences less power and continue moving towards the things that matter to you.

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And sometimes treatment is surprisingly practical. It might involve learning how to slow down your body's stress response, improving sleep, changing habits that are keeping you constantly overstimulated, setting better boundaries, reducing avoidance or simply learning that you don't have to solve every problem your mind presents to you.

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The goal isn't to become someone who never feels anxious again.

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None of us can do that and anxiety has a perfectly normal place in our lives.

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The goal is to reach a point where anxiety can show up without automatically taking over. You can notice it, understand what's happening, use the strategies that help you and continue getting on with your life.

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You can have an anxious thought without having to follow it. You can feel uncomfortable without immediately needing to fix it and you can feel anxious and still do things that matter to you.

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That, I think, is a much more realistic definition of learning to manage anxiety.

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What about medication?

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Sometimes people wonder whether their anxiety is "bad enough" to need medication, or worry that taking medication somehow means they haven't been able to manage things on their own.

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Medication is simply one of the options available for treating anxiety and for some people it can be very helpful. For others, psychological strategies and lifestyle changes may be enough and sometimes a combination of approaches works best.

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If anxiety has been hanging around for a while, is causing significant distress or making everyday life much harder than it needs to be, it may be worth having a conversation with your GP about whether medication is something to consider.

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That doesn't mean you have to take it. A conversation with your GP is simply an opportunity to talk through what's been happening, what you've already tried and what options might be appropriate for you. It's also an opportunity to consider whether there could be any physical factors contributing to how you're feeling. Things such as thyroid problems, some vitamin or mineral deficiencies, hormonal changes during perimenopause and menopause, certain medications and other health conditions can sometimes cause or contribute to symptoms that overlap with anxiety. Your GP can help you work out whether anything else needs to be investigated rather than simply assuming that everything you're experiencing is psychological.

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If medication is then recommended, your GP can explain the potential benefits and side effects, how long it may take to work and what to expect. They can also help you weigh those things up in the context of your health, circumstances and preferences.

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For some people, medication can turn the volume down enough on anxiety that it becomes easier to sleep, think clearly and put psychological strategies into practice. For others, it may not be necessary.

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There isn't a gold star for getting through anxiety without medication, just as taking medication isn't automatically the right choice for everyone.

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The aim is simply to find the combination of support that helps you feel and function better.

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When should I consider professional help?

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Professional support can give you somewhere to make sense of what's happening, understand the patterns that may be keeping anxiety going and develop strategies that actually fit into your life.

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And you don't need to arrive at that first appointment already knowing whether what you're experiencing is anxiety, chronic stress, burnout or something else.

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Working that out is part of the process. Your psychologist doesn't expect you to arrive with all the answers. If you did, we'd be out of a job.

Sometimes people seek psychological support because anxiety is seriously interfering with their life. Other times, they come because they're simply tired of spending so much of their life worrying about what might happen next.

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Both are good enough reasons.

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5 things you can start doing today to help regulate your nervous system

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When you're feeling anxious or overwhelmed, it's easy to think you need to make big changes before you'll start to feel better. But often, it's the small things that make a difference.

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You don't need to completely overhaul your life or suddenly become someone who meditates for an hour every morning. Small moments of calm, repeated regularly, can help your mind and body begin to slow down and step out of that constant state of alert.

And the lovely thing is, you can start exactly where you are.

Here are five simple things you can try today.

 

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1. Slow down your breathing

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When we're anxious, breathing often becomes faster and shallower without us noticing.

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Try slowing your breathing gently rather than taking enormous deep breaths.

Allow your breathing to become comfortable and unhurried, perhaps allowing the out-breath to become slightly longer.

 

Even a couple of minutes can create a small pause in the stress response.

 

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2. Move your body

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Movement doesn't have to mean an hour at the gym.

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Go for a ten-minute walk.

Stretch.

Walk around the garden.

Put some music on while you make dinner.

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Physical activity can help release some of the tension that builds when we've been sitting with stress and anxiety for long periods.

 

 

3. Give your brain fewer things to process

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Modern life asks our brains to process an extraordinary amount of information.

Sometimes regulating ourselves isn't about adding another relaxation technique.

It's about removing some stimulation.

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Put your phone somewhere else for ten minutes.

Turn off the television.

Sit outside.

Drive without filling every moment with noise.

Stand in the garden.

Look out the window.

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Give your brain a few moments when absolutely nothing is demanding its attention.

 

 

4. Notice what your mind is doing

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You don't have to believe everything you think.  An anxious brain is very good at presenting possibilities as though they are probabilities.

Instead of immediately following an anxious thought down the rabbit hole, try simply noticing it.

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I'm worrying about something that hasn't happened.

My mind is trying to predict the future again.

I'm imagining the worst-case scenario.

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You don't have to argue with the thought or force yourself to think positively. Sometimes simply recognising this is a thought, not a fact creates a little breathing room.

 

 

5. Do something that signals safety

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Our nervous systems respond to our surroundings so think about the things that help your body relax, even slightly.

 

A warm shower.

Sitting outside with a cup of tea.

Stroking your dog or cat.

Listening to music.

Walking barefoot on the grass.

Talking with someone you feel comfortable with.

Sitting somewhere peaceful.

Doing something familiar with your hands.

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You aren't trying to magically make anxiety disappear. You're simply giving your body more opportunities to experience moments when it doesn't need to be on alert and those little moments matter.

 

 

You don't have to change everything at once

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If you've been living with stress or anxiety for a long time, the last thing you probably need is another long list of things you're supposed to be doing. Even the idea of trying to feel calmer can become another source of pressure.

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So start small.

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One walk.

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Five quiet minutes.

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One less thing on today's list.

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One moment when you notice your mind racing ahead and gently bring your attention back to where you actually are.

You don't need to transform your life overnight. Small changes, repeated over time, can begin to make a difference.

And learning to manage stress and anxiety isn't about creating a perfectly calm, stress-free life. I'm sorry to say, life probably isn't going to cooperate with that plan.

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It's about learning how to create more moments of calm within the life you already have, and gradually becoming better at finding your way back to them when life inevitably gets a little messy.

 

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