Dealing With Difficult People During the Holidays (Without Losing Your Mind… or Your Baubles)

I don’t mean to brag, and I’m not trying to win “Miss Perfect Christmas 2025,” but I genuinely feel blessed at this time of year. My family gets along. The siblings, in-laws, cousins, aunties, and uncles are all wonderful humans who don’t trigger my fight-or-flight response. They’re kind, relaxed, and (mostly) drama-free.

But I also know this isn’t everyone’s reality. Many families are complicated, especially during the holiday season when people who normally avoid each other suddenly find themselves sharing potato salad, enclosed spaces, and opinions that no one asked for.

There’s often unresolved tension in the air, a few unsaid resentments, and at least one relative who treats Christmas lunch like their personal TED Talk. People start out polite, but as the hours tick by, the eye rolls become more dramatic, the backhanded compliments get sharper, and suddenly the whole day feels like an emotional obstacle course.

So, how do you survive the holidays without losing your cool or hyperventilating in the bathroom for 15 minutes?

Here are practical, psychology-backed tips to help you get through it with your sanity intact.

1. Limit Your Time (A.K.A. Set Some Boundaries)

If you know a long day with certain people will drain your soul faster than a dead phone battery, set a time boundary.

Let people know, “Come over from 7–9pm,” or “We’ll need to head off by 3pm, we’ve got an early morning tomorrow.”

This does two magical things:

1. It tells everyone when the gathering starts and ends.

2. It reassures you that you only need to survive a limited time, not a marathon of emotional endurance.

Time limits are the self-care stocking stuffer you didn’t know you needed.

2. Stick to Safe Topics (No Politics, No Parenting Critiques, No ‘Who Are You Voting For?’)

Some relatives can’t resist launching into their unwanted opinions. If you know someone has passionate views about politics, parenting, education, diets, vaccinations, or the correct way to peel a potato, avoid the topic entirely.

If they bring it up, pivot the conversation smoothly:

“Oh gosh, speaking of heated things, has anyone tried any new air fryer recipes?”

And if that fails?

The “Sorry, I really need to go to the bathroom before I embarrass myself” escape plan works 100% of the time! No one questions that.

3. Remember: It’s Not Personal (Even When It Feels Personal)

That aunty who comments on your appearance, parenting style, or career choices? There’s a good chance she says the same thing to everyone.

Her commentary is a habit, not a targeted attack.

Try to detach emotionally. Take a breath. Remind yourself: This is about her, not me. Then redirect the conversation or politely excuse yourself to “check the oven,” even if there is no oven.

4. Let Them Talk About Themselves (A Secret Ninja Skill)

Some difficult people love nothing more than hearing their own voice. Use this to your advantage.

Ask questions like:

• “What have you been working on lately?”

• “Got any fun plans coming up?”

• “Tell me about that hobby you mentioned last year…”

  
  

You’re giving them centre stage, (which they love), while you conserve your energy until you can gracefully exit.

5. Don’t Commit to Anything on the Spot

Holiday pressure is real, and suddenly you find yourself saying yes to things you have zero intention of doing.

To avoid this, keep a few neutral, pressure-free responses in your pocket:

• “Let me check my calendar and get back to you.”

• “I’d love to think about that, can I let you know tomorrow?”

• “Ooh, not sure, let me see how much I’ve got on first.”

  
  

This buys you time, stops you from making forced commitments, and prevents arguments in the moment.

6. Be Mindful With Alcohol (Because Some Tongues Should Not Be Loosened)

It’s a merry time of year, but too much alcohol can turn mild irritations into full-blown family fireworks.

Alcohol lowers inhibition, increases emotion, and can make even the nicest person suddenly “say it like it is.” (And let’s be honest, nobody needs that.)

Enjoy a drink, but pace yourself. Alternate with water. Keep your wits about you.

Your future self will be grateful.

7. Accept People As They Are (Your Real Superpower)

This one is hard, but it’s also where your peace comes from.

People rarely change unless something in their life pushes them to. You can’t control who they are, what they say, or how they behave.

But you can control:

• your reactions

• your boundaries

• your expectations

• your energy

• your exit plan (always important!)

  
  

Acceptance doesn’t mean you approve of their behaviour. It simply means you stop wasting emotional energy trying to turn them into someone they aren’t capable of being.

That emotional freedom? That’s your real holiday gift.

9. Have a support ally

Bring someone who “gets you” a partner, sibling, or friend. You can exchange knowing glances, laugh afterwards, or plan strategic breaks together.

10. Use grounding techniques

If you feel overwhelmed, step outside for fresh air, take a few deep breaths, or do a quick mindfulness exercise like the “5 senses” check-in.

What's five things you can see, four things you can hear, 3 things you can touch, 2 you can smell and one you can taste?

11. Take a task

Offer to help in the kitchen, set the table, or organise a game for the kids. It gives you a purpose, a buffer, and sometimes a safe escape.

12. Drive yourself

Try not to rely on someone else for a lift if possible. Nothing is worse than being trapped at a family event after you’ve emotionally tapped out.

13. Have a post-event ritual

A warm shower, a cup of tea, a walk, or a meditation helps you shake off lingering tension and return to calm.

The holiday season can be joyful, meaningful, and deeply nourishing, but it can also be stressful, especially if you’re navigating complicated family dynamics.

Remember: You don’t need to fix anyone. You don’t need to absorb their energy. And you definitely don’t need to spend eight hours trapped beside someone who drains you.

Set boundaries, protect your peace, use humour when you can, and be kind to yourself.

And most importantly, have a relaxing, peaceful and merry Christmas.

Written by Liz Anderson – Psychologist, author, and slow-living advocate. Liz helps busy people slow down, stress less, and reconnect with what truly matters. Click here to join her mailing list and get a free chapter from her book Stop Rushing Start Living: A psychologist's guide to slowing down, stressing less and calming the mind.

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